Scene Study

I'm really nervous about my class tonight. This one is a contemporary scene study class and I've been partnered with a man who gets nothing but rave reviews from everyone who has worked with him, doing a scene from a show that actually made me sick to my stomach by the time I finished reading it. It's a play about a stalker and the stalking victim. There is no actual violence in it, but the threats are there and they're disturbing.

We read some of the play in class last week. It starts with a blind date and I told the class in discussion that I have been on that date a million times. And that maybe she said certain things just to be nice even though she doesn't want to be there. And that maybe she agreed to go out a second time because as a single woman in her thirties, maybe she's starting to wonder if she let Mr. Right go already for some stupid reason so she should be more open to the quirks of others instead of dismissing people outright. And I realized as I read this play that I am the stalking victim. I have not had to change my name or move cities to get away from someone, but I have broken up with people who had problems letting it go. And I have been on that date a million times and I have said those things to be nice and I have started to wonder if I should give the creepy hairy guy a second chance because maybe I'm being shallow and all of that kind of thing. And I think that's why I was assigned this scene - because I am this woman in so many ways.

So I'm nervous. Because I've not worked with anyone in this class before. Because this is has the potential to be gut-wrenching. And because they're all really good performers and I know any of you reading this who know me would say I'm a really good performer, too, but I felt almost out-matched in class last week. I'm really going to have to bring it and that scares me.

And excites me. It's scary in the good way. This is what I wanted, so this is what I shall get.