Voice

I had an audition last night that I was excited to get because it wasn't for a storefront theater, but a theater that actually has a little bit of a reputation. You may not have heard of it, but some people in the theater world have. And I don't mean to slight storefront theaters because some of them are really wonderful - this audition just felt like a little bit of a step up for me from what I have been doing (or trying to do). And yes, it was an audition for understudy positions, but still. It was a foot in the door, so to speak, so that felt good.

It didn't go as well as I hoped, but I didn't tank it, either. I don't think. They may think so. But they laughed during my first piece (which is comedic, so that's good) and they worked with me a little on my second, which was good. I kind of like it when auditors ask me to work on something because it means they see potential, they just want to try something else, and I get the opportunity to show them that I am directable. I'm still willing to bet that I don't get the part, but I'm glad I went.

One other thing that was interesting was that one of the auditors noticed a sort of hoarse quality to my voice and asked if that was normal. Thing is, I don't think it is, but I don't know. I told her I was a little dried out because I was - my sinuses are being kind of bipolar as of late. But it got me thinking about my voice.

There have been a couple other instances in the last year when I am trying to talk loudly enough to be heard in a bar or something like that wherein someone has asked me if I'm catching a cold or losing my voice. Which makes me wonder if the way I'm trying to project my voice is ripping it up. Or maybe I've ripped it up singing "Me and Bobby McGee" too many times. Who knows? But it did occur to me that at least last night, when I was doing my second piece and I was trying for the big, booming, full voice that I was also speaking in a very low register. I like to try to speak and sing in a low register. It might have something to do with my own weird denial of the fact that I am female and women have higher voices than men. See, most of the actors and musicians I look up to are male, and even the women I like sing too low for themselves. I can hit the high notes - I was singing along with "O, Holy Night" in the car the other day (because yes, I am listening to Christmas music this year) and I can hit those lovely high notes on the "Noels." But somehow, I have gotten it in my head that if I'm speaking from my diaphragm, pushing the sound out from my diaphragm through a relaxed and open throat and jaw, that the sound should be lower. Alto or tenor as opposed to soprano.

So maybe I just need to accept that my voice is higher than that. Maybe I am a soprano. And maybe if I am a soprano trying to speak like a tenor, that is why I sound hoarse - my voice doesn't want to go that low so it gets gravelly.

On my way home in the car, I did my monologues again, trying to stay in a medium-to-higher register, to try to convince myself that I can still be powerful if I sound like a girl. I think as long as the intention is there, it should work. I just need to get used to how it sounds.

Is it weird that I notice these things about myself? Do other actors have these kinds of discoveries based on a sort of off-hand comment made at an audition?